Have you been trying to get pregnant for quite some time, and not been successful yet?
Do you fall into the dreaded “unexplained infertility” category?
There are lots of reasons why couples can have a hard time conceiving, but when it’s YOU, that’s a different story. It can be devastating, scary, overwhelming, hopeless,… fill in the blank to whatever word describes you on any given day.
And when you try to talk to your friends and family they say, “don’t stress, it’ll happen” or “just give it some time” or “don’t think about it” or the very worse, “gosh, I don’t know what’s wrong with you. My husband just looks at me and I get pregnant.”
Although not useful, try to keep in mind that these comments come from a good place and aren’t meant to stress you out or hurt your feelings. People will say dumb things when they don’t know what else to say rather than saying nothing at all. My hope has always been to be a resource to couples trying to get pregnant and as part of that, I have a few words of wisdom of my own…
- STAY OFF FERTILITY FORUMS! I understand you are looking for a community of people who know what you are going thru but these forums are often heartbreaking and full of miss-information.
- THE FACTS ARE THE FACTS. Use the tests (blood work, semen analysis, HSG, etc) your doctor offers to get the facts of where your body is right now and then use that to come up with a plan. Most doctors want you to be “trying” for a year or more before they will start looking too closely at you unless you have some other factors like a history of miscarriage, or are of “advanced maternal age”. Be pro-active and get in as soon as they will let you and do ALL the tests… this includes you too guys!
- DON’T BUY INTO THE LABEL “ADVANCED MATERNAL AGE”. This statement drives me nuts and it should bother you too. Just because a woman is over 35 doesn’t mean she has a dusty old uterus. I’ve seen women in their 20’s with egg quality like a women in her 40’s…and vice versa. Again, push for tests like FSH/Estradiol or AmH and they will tell you “ovarian reserve” which basically means how many eggs do you have left and what is they’re quality.
- CHART. Yes, it’s a pain in the butt but it tells you exactly what your hormones are doing and when they are doing it. Commit for a month and then quit if you want, but it’ll give the people trying to help you more to work with.
- FEEL IT AND THEN MOVE ON. Stop trying to keep it together they day your period shows up. If you want to be sad and cry, do it. Get that emotion out otherwise it’ll go somewhere and fester into a big fat problem. Once you’ve given yourself a day or two, move on. You have to walk that fine line of being pissed off that it hasn’t happened yet and yet find hope in the new cycle.
- BE HONEST WITH THOSE AROUND YOU. They want to support you, but if it makes it even harder each month to tell mom, best friend and your favorite co-worker that it was another unsuccessful month. If the constant questions are making this even harder for you, tell them that you’ll let them know when you have some different news.
- LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. One of my first questions to new patients is… why do you think this is taking so long. My cycle, my stress, my husband, my health. You know what, they are almost always right.
- KEEP TO THE BASICS. There are so many crazy books, blogs, forums, apps and over the counter tests available out there that this can be complicated for no good reason Use the tests if you want, but your body will likely tell you what you need to know. Be leery of the extremists that will say you MUST do or MUST NOT do this or that to get pregnant. Would there really be 7 billion people on this planet if it came down to the nitty gritty’s like caffeine?
- DON’T BE AFRAID TO TAKE TIME OFF. This stuff is stressful and it doesn’t do any good to push past everyone’s limits. If you notice you guys are tired, fighting and are only intimate on “go-time” days then it might be a good hint that taking a break is appropriate. You’ll likely still have a basic idea of what part of your cycle you are in, hopefully it isn’t the focus. Do you know the statistics for pregnancy when a woman finally decides to give-up or adopt. It’s pretty huge.
- FIND A TEAM YOU TRUST. I can’t tell you how many women complain to me about their doctor. If you don’t like someone, find someone you do like and do trust. Look into OB-Gyn’s, Reproductive Endocrinologists, Acupuncturists (might we suggest a good one in Denver/Arvada), Chiropractors and whatever else interests you. This fertility thing is a team sport and you should surround yourself with the best!
So what’s next. Work these tips of wisdom and with a strong team you can have a more effective guided journey along your path to get pregnant. Have someone you can call with questions and get direct answers versus ‘Google’ or just wondering. Reduce the stress along your journey. And if you happen to be in Colorado we are here to help. If you happen to be outside of Colorado we can help you to through http://www.fertility-club.com. Call for details at (303) 377-1365.